i swear people tend to think that being independent is a good thing, but honestly, IT'S FUCKIN STRESSFUL. it's always good to have that extra support but people should know not to take support for granted. and to end that note, im stressin. and stressing hard. i've been keepin so much shit to myself for the past couple days. about how i've been seriously stressing. i'm almost 19 and i'm in this situation where it's like "i dont know what the fuck i'm doing wrong" i need to SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY. stop messing around. and keep focus like i've been doing.
cus a year from now, i dont wana be in this situation. i NEED a good blessing right now, more than anything ;(
karma is a bitch. and i swear me and her are becomin bestfriends. man tho, i learned a great lesson from this. NO MORE CASHIN OUT. i shoulda seen this comin. and for weeks and even months, i cashed out on fine dining, clothes, purses, and just hella shit that i didnt even need but wanted. but this is the time i finally realized that NEEDS are more important than WANTS. and i swear that feeling comes in back everytime i get bit inda ass. ahhhh. i stress. stress. stress.
i hate relying on my moms. i hate relying on people. period. its stressful. today is the day i declare myself to save my money. conserve on all the shit that i do. and refuse myself from throwin my money away. especially spendin it so freely. NO. MORE. i no longer can depend on noone but myself and accept the support from the ones that have supported me since day ONE. and they know who they are. it's tough havina grow up on my own wid no reeaaal parental supervision. but aye, i'm pretty glad and proud of myself that i didnt end up like some fuckup wid no motivation or passion. cus im glad i got both. and proud of it too. partying, drinkin, smokin ? i done been there, done that. and lord knows i learned my lessons at a hella young age. middle schoo years even. how sad. but true. i'm past that tho. i've learned, been there, done that.
our economy sucks. foreal tho. anyways. it's 432 AM. insomniac status :( wthhhh.
i hate relying on my moms. i hate relying on people. period. its stressful. today is the day i declare myself to save my money. conserve on all the shit that i do. and refuse myself from throwin my money away. especially spendin it so freely. NO. MORE. i no longer can depend on noone but myself and accept the support from the ones that have supported me since day ONE. and they know who they are. it's tough havina grow up on my own wid no reeaaal parental supervision. but aye, i'm pretty glad and proud of myself that i didnt end up like some fuckup wid no motivation or passion. cus im glad i got both. and proud of it too. partying, drinkin, smokin ? i done been there, done that. and lord knows i learned my lessons at a hella young age. middle schoo years even. how sad. but true. i'm past that tho. i've learned, been there, done that.
our economy sucks. foreal tho. anyways. it's 432 AM. insomniac status :( wthhhh.
4am.... seriously ?! haha. i aint gon lie, it's been this way for like a week now. how terrible ! sleeping in is becomin a habit for me. but gahh it's got to stop some time soon.
well anyways, helloooo sac city college. it's official man. and oh my gorgeous, i've been waiting to go back to schoo since fuhever !okaay, it was just one semester. but zaaym, it feels good to go back. it felt wierd to take a semester off knowing i took schoo serious senior year and for that long period of time i got used to it. it felt unreal to NOT be in schoo. hearin everyone talk about their classes and homework, finals and such. and all i had to talk about in return was how busy it was at work that day. hahah no more, "i cant go to schoo, i gota do this, i gota help my family, blah blah blah" cus for the past couple years, it's always been about them and me helping to support them or my mom and get barely any support back. i've learned so much stuff the hard way. but inda end, good or bad it's always worth the trouble. PERIOD. EXCLAMATION POINT.
so i signed up for my classes and then looked at the tuition fee it was gona be for the classes i'm taking, and foreal i'm takin three 3unit classes and one 5unit class. not bad considering the fact that i'm still gona be working fulltime. maybe. idk. i havent quite figured that out on how that'd work or else i'd find myself doing homework AT work. which i really aint stressin off that. issall good tho ! tuitions paid for. cus i fuckin love those easy peasy financial aid websites man. they do some magic ! im just glad to say, despite everything else i'm stressin off of, it feels good to have that satisfaction of havin some part of my life made a lil bit easier. omg tho, i want my own caaar. i want, want, want.
i miss this guy ...
kuya told me he's gettin outta bed now without anyone knowin in the morning, to go to the living room in which ! he turns on the tv on his own to watch cartoons. its tough knowin my whole entire family is falllllin apart. which is the worst feeling in the whole entire world cus my family doesnt really consist of a whole lot of people since i have relatives that live hella far away and shit. but when it comes to family problems like that, all you can do is pray yehnnoe ? hella corny, but iss serious. i dont think i'll ever have my whole family back together the way it was, ever.
new years eve. and i have work .... -_- what else is new. its sad. but whatevs. i have so much on my mind, but i really just cant find the words to let it all out. just one word always pops into my mind tho; APPRECIATION. goodnight lovaahs.
well anyways, helloooo sac city college. it's official man. and oh my gorgeous, i've been waiting to go back to schoo since fuhever !okaay, it was just one semester. but zaaym, it feels good to go back. it felt wierd to take a semester off knowing i took schoo serious senior year and for that long period of time i got used to it. it felt unreal to NOT be in schoo. hearin everyone talk about their classes and homework, finals and such. and all i had to talk about in return was how busy it was at work that day. hahah no more, "i cant go to schoo, i gota do this, i gota help my family, blah blah blah" cus for the past couple years, it's always been about them and me helping to support them or my mom and get barely any support back. i've learned so much stuff the hard way. but inda end, good or bad it's always worth the trouble. PERIOD. EXCLAMATION POINT.
so i signed up for my classes and then looked at the tuition fee it was gona be for the classes i'm taking, and foreal i'm takin three 3unit classes and one 5unit class. not bad considering the fact that i'm still gona be working fulltime. maybe. idk. i havent quite figured that out on how that'd work or else i'd find myself doing homework AT work. which i really aint stressin off that. issall good tho ! tuitions paid for. cus i fuckin love those easy peasy financial aid websites man. they do some magic ! im just glad to say, despite everything else i'm stressin off of, it feels good to have that satisfaction of havin some part of my life made a lil bit easier. omg tho, i want my own caaar. i want, want, want.
i miss this guy ...
kuya told me he's gettin outta bed now without anyone knowin in the morning, to go to the living room in which ! he turns on the tv on his own to watch cartoons. its tough knowin my whole entire family is falllllin apart. which is the worst feeling in the whole entire world cus my family doesnt really consist of a whole lot of people since i have relatives that live hella far away and shit. but when it comes to family problems like that, all you can do is pray yehnnoe ? hella corny, but iss serious. i dont think i'll ever have my whole family back together the way it was, ever.
new years eve. and i have work .... -_- what else is new. its sad. but whatevs. i have so much on my mind, but i really just cant find the words to let it all out. just one word always pops into my mind tho; APPRECIATION. goodnight lovaahs.
daaaamn tho, foreal !? it's 447am. as of RIGHT now. i'm sleepy as hell but i'm triena vent out whas been on my mind and whas been keepin me solid. for instance...
hahaha, and also my boyfriend. dont forget that. even tho our arguements are like fuckin hurricanes, we still get through that stormy weather. [damn that sounded hella corny] but anyways ! today was the secret santa distribution at work. tell me why, my work hours today was 4pm-1am. BOSS !? today was coo tho. as well as the potluck as well as the little afterhours christmas party. hahah. hella crackin wid my coworkers. yesterday, work at 7am, got off at noon, went to brian's bro's college grad. mizuuuuu <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">thennnn fairfield to reunite wid highschool loves. zaaayyyuumm, the best busy day i've had ina while. it felt like i did hella shit in that ONE day. and it not only that, it went by hella fast. preview ?
imagine if _____. that game is hella fun. even tho the answers weren't even true, most of us picked em just cus they were hella funny. the best. and i sweahhh it felt like it was the highschoo days all over again. i hella misses. it still hasnt hit me yet that all of us aren't ever gona get that "first day back to schoo" feeling. yehnnoe... when we'd try to party that weekend before schoo started and then end up havina go to the first day back to highschoo hella tired and exhausted, still thinkin it was summer. hahaha. i aint gon lie, i HELLA miss those days. hahah. but iss coo. -the growin up- process is still in tact. whaaaaas good. hahah. okaay, babys sleeping now. therefore, i must get my happy ass to bed also.
hahaha, and also my boyfriend. dont forget that. even tho our arguements are like fuckin hurricanes, we still get through that stormy weather. [damn that sounded hella corny] but anyways ! today was the secret santa distribution at work. tell me why, my work hours today was 4pm-1am. BOSS !? today was coo tho. as well as the potluck as well as the little afterhours christmas party. hahah. hella crackin wid my coworkers. yesterday, work at 7am, got off at noon, went to brian's bro's college grad. mizuuuuu <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">thennnn fairfield to reunite wid highschool loves. zaaayyyuumm, the best busy day i've had ina while. it felt like i did hella shit in that ONE day. and it not only that, it went by hella fast. preview ?
imagine if _____. that game is hella fun. even tho the answers weren't even true, most of us picked em just cus they were hella funny. the best. and i sweahhh it felt like it was the highschoo days all over again. i hella misses. it still hasnt hit me yet that all of us aren't ever gona get that "first day back to schoo" feeling. yehnnoe... when we'd try to party that weekend before schoo started and then end up havina go to the first day back to highschoo hella tired and exhausted, still thinkin it was summer. hahaha. i aint gon lie, i HELLA miss those days. hahah. but iss coo. -the growin up- process is still in tact. whaaaaas good. hahah. okaay, babys sleeping now. therefore, i must get my happy ass to bed also.
okaay i know it's been hella long since i last did this biznatch. but i'm here now only cus i'm finally giving in time to tell some random ass people some shit about MY life. hahahahaha. so anyways. no lies tem, if you're reading this. them santa clara girls be on hittttt. i'm still stuck on their videos. aye check out that lydia paek video tho on my facebook k :) hahaha. anyways.
work is sucha drag. but im finally happy cus after alla the hardwork i put into that job. i finally got recognized for my dedication. nov08 employee of the month. HELLA happy. i didnt even want no raise. i just wanted people to realize how much dedication i put at work. and it finally paid off. i got my coworkers askin my why i'm so good at what i do. and i just tell em, "it's my job" hahaha. corny and gay right ? anyways. christmas is almost here. no christmas tree ? :( familys not like we used to be anymore. cus alla the shit thas been happenin lately. i actually like BEIN at work cus then i wouldnt be at home. i've come to realize my coworkers are becomin family cus i see them so much rather than my own family.
idk. it's hard to explain. but ANYWAYS ! life is good. god is good. my appetite is good. haha ! i'm hella hungry. i start school soon. I'm so happpyyyyyyy. cus gahd you have no idea how hard it was for me to NOT go to schoo for like what 3-4 months. i wana go back to schoo, as crazy as that may sound. i never thought i wouldnt be in school. but IM BACKKKKKK baby. future psychologist. future motivational speaker. future counselor. WHICHEVER YOU PREFER.
MIA MIA MIA MIA. that might as well be my fuckin middle name. hahaha. shit. people try speakin about why i live in sac and how boring it is. pshhh, i'd rather be out here gettin my priorities straight rather than bein inda bay partyin everyweekend and constantly havin to go random places for no reason. i'd rather be makin my money ! work hard, play harder [when i get the chance to] hahaha. anyways, this is done. i dont really have much to say. but, I LOVE BRIAN SMITH. even tho you're wierd and tone death. and you're a video game nerd. you's still my baby. hahahahahah. MUAH !
work is sucha drag. but im finally happy cus after alla the hardwork i put into that job. i finally got recognized for my dedication. nov08 employee of the month. HELLA happy. i didnt even want no raise. i just wanted people to realize how much dedication i put at work. and it finally paid off. i got my coworkers askin my why i'm so good at what i do. and i just tell em, "it's my job" hahaha. corny and gay right ? anyways. christmas is almost here. no christmas tree ? :( familys not like we used to be anymore. cus alla the shit thas been happenin lately. i actually like BEIN at work cus then i wouldnt be at home. i've come to realize my coworkers are becomin family cus i see them so much rather than my own family.
idk. it's hard to explain. but ANYWAYS ! life is good. god is good. my appetite is good. haha ! i'm hella hungry. i start school soon. I'm so happpyyyyyyy. cus gahd you have no idea how hard it was for me to NOT go to schoo for like what 3-4 months. i wana go back to schoo, as crazy as that may sound. i never thought i wouldnt be in school. but IM BACKKKKKK baby. future psychologist. future motivational speaker. future counselor. WHICHEVER YOU PREFER.
MIA MIA MIA MIA. that might as well be my fuckin middle name. hahaha. shit. people try speakin about why i live in sac and how boring it is. pshhh, i'd rather be out here gettin my priorities straight rather than bein inda bay partyin everyweekend and constantly havin to go random places for no reason. i'd rather be makin my money ! work hard, play harder [when i get the chance to] hahaha. anyways, this is done. i dont really have much to say. but, I LOVE BRIAN SMITH. even tho you're wierd and tone death. and you're a video game nerd. you's still my baby. hahahahahah. MUAH !
Work work work. And in abouta month or two, schoo will be added onto that :D and i'm juiced ! Friday is black friday and alsooooooo PAYDAY ! Whoohooo. Cus my next check if gona look hella fuckin pretty ! $_$ Teehee. uhm. Thursday is thanksgiving, how did i not mention that first ? Hahah, shittt. But uhh, most likely hella of my family members are gona be workin and shit since most of my aunts and uncles work at casinos. Hahaha, but otha than that, i'm prolly gona go to meeeeeeeee brothas house for thanksgivin :D im ready to get my grub onnnn. ahhh, i needa make a christmas listtttt. WAAHH, im laggin. Okaay whatever tho cus I know ima end up buying everything on my own, teehee. I LOVE SHOPPING ! I just rarely ever go shoppin cus im never able to shop, CUS IM ALWAYS FUCKIN BUSY ! Kbye :D
-We finally gota african american as a president. Let's see whas next in store for america's fine nation. Hahah. They took voting hella serious at work today. Talkin about, "if you voted, go to starbucks and get your free drink" hahaha. They had that shit planned out and everything. I had coworkers wearin the "VOTE NOW" logo tee. Hahaha, I had mines but I didnt wear it today, it was hella cold this morning. SHOOOTTTTT. Voting was crazy tho.
-Pre-halloween was craaackin at UCdavis. Thas like the FIRST REAL COLLEGE PARTY I WENT TO, and stay at. Hahah, I went to one hella long ago, but left like 10 min. But THIS ONE, was craackin. I swear, I hella wana go to UCdavis but I gota start where I belong. Baahhh, weakass community college. But aye, at least i'm startin somewhere right.
-Halloween was weak as fuck. I had to work ): and then me and Brian got into an argument like right before work. But at the enda the night it was coo. We went to watch saw V. And then he went to vallejo after. LIKE ALWAYS. Eh, whatevssssss. Hmm, yesterday was our anniversary. I had work hella early inda morning and then after work, I took moms to her appointment cus she's been hella sick lately. After, we took her out to eat and then went to my house. IT HAD TO RAIN ON OUR ANNIVERSARY THO, booo. We had a goodtime tho. I love naps wid him. I was hella tired since I had work hella early inda morning but we woke up in time to go out to eat. We went to at the elephant bar and then walked off the fatness from the goodass food at arden mall. I thought there was gona be somethin wrong wid this anniversary since it was the badluck number 13, but we actually had a good day together.
Today I had to work two shifts. Fuckkkkkk. It was aright tho. I swear i feel like i'm there 60% of my time. Hahah, but nah I got the next two days off and hopefully it stays that waay cus I take enough shifts on my days off. I do that shit all the time. So this weekend, I got saturday off cus iss my friend's babyshower. I already got the gift and everything !! hahaha. Talk about bein prepared righhht (:
I gota register for schoo soon so I can get the classes that I want without havina be on a wait list. Hahah, shiiiiiiiiiit. Tahoe in december might not even happen anymore ): they was triena say they wana go in january. But ima in schoo and shit. I'm not gona have time to do anything if ima be workin and goina schoo fulltime. YEHNNOE !? I'm thinkin hoppin on that double major status (: i'm hella ready for that maan. I regret not goina schoo this semester and feel selfish for just wantin to work cus I thought schoo would just stress me out, but I meean, I stress ona daily anyways ! Hahah, and plus, as corny as it may sound, I miss schoo & havin homework. I was focused as fuck senior year and alla sudden, i'm workin 6days a week. Thas somethin serious to me. Okaay, this is a long ass blog. NIGHT ! PS- I love my boyfriend.
Mmm, so I was thinkin, if I was a nigga, what kinda girl would I like to stay wid for the resta my life ? A girl that works and is focused on her shit besides a used ass bitch that always went out and partied. Therefore, BRIAN IS ONE LUCKY ASS MUTHAFUCKA. Mmm, tho im not gona lie I hella miss my partybitches, my everyday bitches and my solid ass bitches, but I think that whole party/clubbin bullshit is hella over rated. These bitches sit there and try speakin on how independent they are. Pshhhhh, thas funny ! I've learned and seen how bitches live wid that kinda lifestyle and thas somethin I don't wana live wid for the resta my life, thinkin of how I partied my whole life insteada gettin ahead. I'd rather work all day then party all night. I rarely ever party and I like it thaat way (: plus, I love my job and my current income. Haha, I just needa quit my shoppin habit !
As of today, im currently inda car goina jackson rancheria to gamble. How terrible ! Hahah, but I had hella fun last time so I might as weell give it anotha try. My money has been so good to me (: halloween's comin up tho along wid many other events. Babyshowers, birthdays, surprises, anniversaries !?
As of today, im currently inda car goina jackson rancheria to gamble. How terrible ! Hahah, but I had hella fun last time so I might as weell give it anotha try. My money has been so good to me (: halloween's comin up tho along wid many other events. Babyshowers, birthdays, surprises, anniversaries !?
Update:
-I finally gota weekend to myself.
-I'm gettin another bank account.
-I needa stop shopping and eatin out when I could eat at home.
-I'm not triena get sick maan ! A healthy immune system, is a happy immune system.
Saturday:
Worked a openin shift and got to get off around noon. Mmm, it was lightweight frustrating cus I almost couldnt get out the house & I woulda been pissed if I had to spend another weekend, at home. while everyone else was partyin >:[ but issall good ! Went to davis, chilled, attended a football game, met hella chillllll people, was mobbin deep on bikes to parties and shit hahaha. And was glad to finally have time to get out the house ! I had hella fun, I didnt come home til 6am. Haha, bad ? Pshhh. Fun is fun.
Sunday: I was sooo sore from bikin all around davis wid hella of us girls. I didnt even have the strength to go to work. I coulda went to work if I wanted to, but like a muthafuckin boss, I didnt and decided to take the day off (: chilled and relaxed at home like I aint neva relaxed before tho. It felt daaamn good.
Todaaay: Worked stocks and shipments this morning, stupid paperwork. Got off and went to CSUS. Went to UCdavis to swoop fraaynds and ate at In and Out. Got home and watched movies wid brian. What next ?
"Same shit, different toilet." yet chaange is always good.
-I finally gota weekend to myself.
-I'm gettin another bank account.
-I needa stop shopping and eatin out when I could eat at home.
-I'm not triena get sick maan ! A healthy immune system, is a happy immune system.
Saturday:
Worked a openin shift and got to get off around noon. Mmm, it was lightweight frustrating cus I almost couldnt get out the house & I woulda been pissed if I had to spend another weekend, at home. while everyone else was partyin >:[ but issall good ! Went to davis, chilled, attended a football game, met hella chillllll people, was mobbin deep on bikes to parties and shit hahaha. And was glad to finally have time to get out the house ! I had hella fun, I didnt come home til 6am. Haha, bad ? Pshhh. Fun is fun.
Sunday: I was sooo sore from bikin all around davis wid hella of us girls. I didnt even have the strength to go to work. I coulda went to work if I wanted to, but like a muthafuckin boss, I didnt and decided to take the day off (: chilled and relaxed at home like I aint neva relaxed before tho. It felt daaamn good.
Todaaay: Worked stocks and shipments this morning, stupid paperwork. Got off and went to CSUS. Went to UCdavis to swoop fraaynds and ate at In and Out. Got home and watched movies wid brian. What next ?
"Same shit, different toilet." yet chaange is always good.
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