Brian, I think God made you...

exactly for me. so yesterday, after i got off work, i went home and realized how my mom hasnt been to work in three weeks. and so i'm thinkin to myself what the fuck is goin on !? i swear, shes becomin lazy and gettin so caught up with her "friends" and alla these other OLD elders triena party like us YOUNG ones. and i know, its gona come down to me havina pay bills, AGAIN. i'm so sicka this shit maan. alla these financial problems always come from my mom. and its like my kuya tells me alla time to stop relying on my mom but its like, she's not givin me any place to start doin shit on my own. i'm been financially doin things on my own ever since I was 16, i repeat, SIXTEEN years old. and supporting my mom and payin HER bills, is gettin real old. and i had a meltdown last night :( cus its like, i'm sick and tired of my mom doin shit like this. its like, she gave up bein a REAL mom ever since her and my dad got divorced, which was when I was only 2 years old. And it seems like my dad stopped bein a REAL dad ever since he got remarried to that bloodsucking bitch that he's STILL with now. it makes me upset to think of how my dad did me and my brothers but i blame it all on the bitch he got married to. I have ZERO respect for her due to the fact that she manipulated my dads mind to no longer care about his kids. when in the beginning, we were his EVERYTHING. he pushed alla his kids away based on what his "new wife" thought cus all that mattered to her was HER daughter. UGHHHHHHHHH. anyways. its okaay tho, cus alla the love, support, guidance and everything that i've ever needed came into life form through brian.

during my meltdown last night, he came through cus he always does when he comes back from vallejo and so he knew about how i was stressin over my mom and alla that other shit. but as he was leaving, i heeeella broke down. which leaded to him packin MY things and taking me to his house cus he knew how i didnt wana be home alone with so much on my mind cus I knew bein alone was just gona drive me craaazy. when it comes to me thinkin of how broken my family is- it breaks me to pieces cus it feels like my brother and i are the only ones that care. i hate that we've ended up this way but right now, MY MOM IS JUST MAKIN SHIT WORSE. and last night it really made me realize how i need to stop kidding around and get back to focus. i'm 19 years old. this is ridiculous. my mom constantly stresses me out with the dumb things she does and how ruthless she feels about life. mothers are supposed to be role models, heros, the guidance. but my mom is the total opposite. and so that leaves me ... with nothing.

so people ask why i work so damn hard ? thats my reason. cus at the enda the day, i feel satisfied knowin i'm bustin my ass at work, school and in my relationship wid brian to make sure i'm nothing like my parents.